Fussbucket

by Stacey

Burger King is launching a new kids meal that the company plans to market to parents who are concerned about the health effects of fast food. According to this AP story in the LA Times, the meal consists of a 4-ounce serving of Kraft macaroni and cheese, low-fat milk, and fresh apple fries, which are uncooked apple slices that are shaped like French fries and served with a low-fat caramel dipping sauce. The cost: $3.49.

“A large part of our customer base is parents with children,” said Russ Klein, president of global strategy, marketing and innovation. “As a parent, the challenge is always trying to get the kinds of things you want to but have some dimension of fun.” Klein declined to specify how much Burger King will spend on promoting the new meal, including TV ads set to start July 7, saying only that the company will spend millions “supporting this vehicle,” the article says.

Hate to burst your bubble, but mac-n-cheese, milk, and apple slices are hardly going to get my kids hootin’ and hollerin’ for joy. They eat that stuff plenty right here at home.

Convincing parents to correlate healthy eating with the home of the Whopper may not be so easy, the article says. Burger King has been criticized for not switching to trans-fat-free oil as fast as some of its rivals, although it has committed to making the switch in all of its restaurants by the end of the year. And speaking of rivals…

Burger King isn’t the first fast-food restaurant to try to persuade moms to listen to the pleas in the back seat for fast food. McDonald’s Corp. launched a public relations campaign last year that targeted mothers in a bid to neutralize criticism that the company’s food was a contributor to childhood obesity. McDonald’s approach included adding healthier items to its menu meant to entice both kids and parents, including Apple Dippers — slices of apple similar to the Burger King version. McDonald’s also started a “mom’s quality correspondence” campaign in which six mothers got a behind-the-scenes look at how the chain operates. The moms write about their experience on the company’s website.

I wrote about that McDonald’s scheme to get real moms to write about the behind the scenes world of thems that brought us creepy Ronald McDonald. But I never went back to see what the ladies had to say. Until now.

Oh. my. god. Either McGiant is brainwashing real live moms in which case, someone better stop them! Or, and this is my suspicion, they’ve got PR people helping with “messaging.” This is from Monica:

When it comes to quality, McDonald’s is relentless. Quality and freshness are constantly checked - from the farm, to the processing plant, to the supplier, to the restaurant, to the final person who performs a quality assurance evaluation, to the “crew person” who hands the order to the customer. I am now certain that whenever I go to a McDonald’s restaurant, I will be getting a quality product. I’m confident that I am getting a product that is safe to eat because of all of the food safety standards that are in place.

Oh please. Monica is just one of a gaggle of women who are pictured on the web site, mcdonaldsmom.com. The moms take McD-sponsored trips and write about their experiences. According to the site, in the next field trip, “The Moms are going to take a tour through a McDonald’s Chicken supplier facility to see where McDonald’s gets the chicken for the Chicken McNuggets they feed their children and the new Southern Style Chicken.”

AGH!!! Someone stop them!

This is the stupidest form of marketing I’ve ever seen. Is anyone believing this crap? Seriously.

Okay I’m done ranting. My kids have never been to either one of these chains and I’ll keep it that way for as long as a I can. My son has noticed the gigantic slide and ball pit that the McDonald’s near our house has kindly placed next to the window for all the kids driving by to see. I explained to him that the slide would be fun, but the food is bad for you so we won’t go there. He was agreeable. That’s because he hasn’t tasted the fries yet. No, not the apple ones. You know what I mean.

Cross-posted on MotherTalkers

by Stacey

Sometimes the timeout is a mom’s only friend. Gone are the days that many of us would feel comfortable giving our naughty one a swat on the behind, a mouth full of soap, or an admonishment to “Wait until your father gets home!” But according to this article in Slate, we may not be using the technique correctly and might even be reinforcing bad behavior.

Most parents already have a rough working notion of how to use timeouts. When a child does something wrong, you send him off to sit somewhere by himself and do nothing for a set amount of time, like a hockey referee putting a player in the penalty box. Two minutes on a bench for hitting at the playground, five minutes on a stool in the corner for talking back, and so on. Because the timeout seems so simple, most people feel comfortable using it intuitively, guided by assumptions that the punishment should fit the crime, that a timeout gives the child an opportunity to reflect and repent, and that it teaches the child who’s in control.

The problem comes when parents use more and longer timeouts. These proportional punishments, such as deciding to leave a child in timeout for only a few minutes for a minor infraction and longer for more egregious behavior, won’t help change the behavior that’s causing you to give the timeout in the first place, the article says.

Excessive timeouts do more harm than good, making a child irritable and more volatile in his reactions, and more inclined to escape and avoid the adults who punish him. Just as important, parents who punish excessively tend to escalate punishment, increasing the side effects and losing track of the original intent of giving a timeout, which is to improve a child’s behavior. The opposite happens, in fact.

Okay, so how should we do it? Apparently there’s a reliable body of evidence on how to use a timeout most effectively. “The technique’s full name, ‘timeout from reinforcement,’ provides the key,” the article says.

Timeout has nothing to do with justice, repentance, or authority. Rather, it follows a simple logic: Attention feeds a behavior, and a timeout is nothing more than a brief break from attention in any form—demands, threats, explanations, rewards, hugs … everything.

According to the article, timeouts should be used sparingly (more than one or two per day for the same offense is too much), brief (all the positive benefit on behavior is stored in the first couple of minutes), immediate to the bad behavior (delayed timeouts are useless), and administered calmly.

Finally the last bit of advice from the article is to praise your child for cooperating (if that’s the case) once the timeout is over. “We want to build compliance whenever it occurs, and especially under difficult situations. We want the child to go to timeout when we tell him to, so we reward that behavior with praise,” the article says. “It does not have to be effusive, but, like all effective praise, it should still specify what the child did—It’s good that you went straight to timeout when I asked you to, and you sat quietly for the whole time, like a big boy—and combine verbal encouragement with a gentle pat or other contact.”

By the way, if you have to drag or restrain your child to get them to comply, the article says you’re doing it wrong. Instead, you should add minutes on to the amount of time your child has to sit aside (up to a few additional minutes) and then start taking away privileges.

If all else fails give yourself a timeout instead.

I use timeouts occasionally and I’m always surprised at how upset my son gets about it. I try not to talk to him while he’s sitting on the couch by himself, but it’s hard to resist. I don’t think I’m especially good at it, but often it’s all I got. What do you think of timeouts? Are they effective?

by Stacey

Okay, this has nothing actually to do with parenting, but right now, as we speak, the cherries are among us. Especially here in Washington State, you can’t shake a stick without hitting someone selling bursting pints, pounds, and bags full of the most delicious cherries. (Of course shaking sticks at people is not okay. Sticks should be pointed towards the ground or they’ll be taken away.)

This afternoon I sat with my eighteen-month old son Sascha eating a bowl of cherries. We have a gadget that pushes out the pits, but leaves the cherries intact. Sascha ate cherry after cherry. With the dark red juice running down his chin, he’d kick his legs in glee and yell at me whenever I’d eat one, pointing to himself. I tried to explain that our state is swimming in these things, but he wouldn’t listen.

I thought to write about the cherries when I saw this article in the LA Times on cool recipes that feature cherries.

By now, with California’s cherry harvest reaching its end and reinforcements arriving from the orchards of Washington and Oregon, we’ve grown happily accustomed to the pints of Rainiers and Tartarians, Bings and Queen Anne’s, filling the market pints like big, ruby marbles. Maybe we’ve loaded them into cobblers and muffins, and now need a little inspiration — nothing too fancy, but recipes with a slightly unexpected spin.

The article offers recipes for whole-grain bread with cherries, cherry relish, and cherry and apricot fruit salad. The one I most want to try is the relish.

Make a quick relish of chopped cherries — Bings or Tartarians or any ripe red cherry — red onion and yellow bell pepper. Add a splash of lemon, another of balsamic vinegar. Then stir in fresh minced tarragon: The faint anise flavor of the tarragon is an unexpected note. Pair the easy chutney with grilled meat or chicken — or duck, which is sublime with cherries.

Yum. What’s your favorite local food your area these days? We are passing through asparagus and onto corn. I love summer.

by Stacey

This year Father’s Day came and went with little discussion here about the very important role that dads play in their kids’ lives. So I was glad to see this blog post in the NY Times on this essay posted at PsychCentral on responsible fatherhood so I could circle back to it.

In study after study, kids consistently say they would like to have more time with their dads. Regardless of whether a dad shares a home with the children and their mother, the kids need dad time. Working together on a chore or simply hanging out can be as meaningful as attending events or having adventures. Kids want to know their fathers. Just as important, they want their fathers to know them.

My kids absolutely love being with their dad. My older son always has a project in mind for them to do together that usually involves hammers, nails, and the extra wood that is piled up in our backyard from a home improvement project. Often these projects involve trips to the hardware store. The result looks like a few pieces of scrap wood nailed together in some configuration that must be explained to me. So far we have a homemade airport, rocket, rocket launcher, and doll house. They are among my son’s favorite toys.

There is no time in a child’s life that doesn’t count. Research has shown that even infants know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers. The bond you make with a baby sets the foundation for a lifetime. As the kids get older, they’ll need you in different ways but they will always need you. Insistent toddler, curious preschooler, growing child, prickly adolescent: Each age and stage will have its challenges and rewards. Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents’ time and attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads as well as their moms tend to be more successful in life.

Again, hats off to my husband. He does the early morning shift with the kids every day before he goes to work and he comes home ready to hang out with them until they go to bed.

Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

When I first started dating my husband I remember thinking that he’d be a good father someday. I had no idea at the time how right I was. I missed saying it on Father’s Day, but better late than never, thanks Chris for being such a great dad to our kids.

Do you agree with your partner’s parenting style? Do you feel like he/she supports the way you parent your kids?

by Stacey

Parents of picky eaters may be tempted to hide veggies in their kids’ food, but some experts say this approach to healthy eating may actually backfire. According to this article in the LA Times, the problem is that kids fail to learn good eating habits when the veggies are hidden.

Some nutritionists and public health experts wonder if parents these days are relying too much on the sneak attack. They doubt if kids will ever develop a taste for vegetables in all their leafy glory if they are hidden in smoothies and macaroni and cheese. Some say this well-intentioned sneaking could produce kids less likely — not more — to eat greens.

“Children should learn to make healthy choices,” says Pat Crawford, co-director of the Center for Weight and Health at UC Berkeley. “It really comes down to whether we are feeding our children for nutrients, or for the potential development of healthy patterns that are lifelong.”

Back when I was kid, mothers didn’t hide the veggies. But bestselling cookbooks such as Jessica Seinfeld’s “Deceptively Delicious” and Missy Chase Lapine’s “The Sneaky Chef” suggest kid-friendly recipes with hidden vegetable and fruit purées in such items as pizza and pasta.

The government says kids are supposed to eat 2 1/2 cups of vegetables and 1 1/2 cups of fruit a day. But a 1997 survey of kids’ eating habits found most get only about a half-cup each of fruit and vegetables a day.

So what’s a mom of a picky eater to do? Here are some pointers from veteran food behavior researcher Leann Birch of Pennsylvania State University thanks to this article in the LA Times.

* Be persistent. Birch’s studies have found that kids need repeated exposures to food to develop a taste for them — in one landmark experiment she conducted with preschoolers, it took at least 10 exposures over a period of several weeks. Don’t give up.

* Set a good example by eating the vegetable yourself. “You need to let them see you eating it and liking it,” Birch says.

* Be matter-of-fact. Many parents unwittingly short-circuit their efforts, appearing shocked when kids eat the vegetables on their plate and making comments such as, “That’s amazing! I can’t believe you ate that.” This makes kids feel like they did something weird.

* Don’t punish kids for not finishing the vegetables on their plate. It simply reinforces a negative association with vegetables.

* Don’t offer rewards such as ice cream or television for finishing vegetables — it makes kids believe that vegetables are something that must be endured, not enjoyed.

My kids are actually pretty good about eating vegetables and a variety of food in general, but we tell my older son that he can’t have dessert if he doesn’t eat the healthy food he’s been served for dinner. We don’t make him finish everything on his plate, but he does have to eat a good amount of it.

How do you all handle balancing healthy food and treats? Do you hide the veggies?

by Stacey
Presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama used the occasion of Father’s Day last weekend to talk about the role of fathers in the lives of many black children. This article in the NY Times said that in a speech at a 20,000-member Apostolic Church of God on the South Side near Lake Michigan, Obama delivered a “sharp message” about absent dads in the African American community.

Mr. Obama noted that “more than half of all black children live in single-parent households,” a number that he said had doubled since his own childhood. “Too many fathers are M.I.A., too many fathers are AWOL, missing from too many lives and too many homes,” Mr. Obama said to a chorus of approving murmurs from the audience. “They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.”

This is strong stuff. I admire him for coming out so boldly on an issue that has been tricky for black leaders in the past. Comedian Bill Cosby made similar remarks in the past, the article notes, stirring debate among Black Americans.

The Rev. Al Sharpton called Obama’s remarks on absent black fathers “courageous and important,” the article says, but cautioned that Mr. Obama’s words would not be embraced by all segments of the black community. “There are a lot of those who will say that he should not be airing dirty laundry, those that will say he’s beating up on the victims,” Mr. Sharpton said in a telephone interview with the Times. “This will not be something that will be unanimously applauded, but I think that not discussing it is not going to make it go away.”

The address was not Mr. Obama’s first foray into the issue. On the campaign trail, Mr. Obama has frequently returned to the topic of parenting and personal responsibility, particularly for low-income black families. Speaking in Texas in February, Mr. Obama told the mostly black audience to take responsibility for the education and nutrition of their children, and lectured them for feeding their children “cold Popeyes” for breakfast. “I know how hard it is to get kids to eat properly,” Mr. Obama said at the time.

Last week, Obama’s campaign said he would co-sponsor a bill, with Senator Evan Bayh, Democrat of Indiana, to address the “national epidemic of absentee fathers.” If passed, the legislation would increase enforcement of child support payments and strengthen services for domestic violence prevention.

“We need families to raise our children,” he said at the service on Sunday. “We need fathers to recognize that responsibility doesn’t just end at conception. That doesn’t just make you a father. What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”

Obama spoke of his personal history being raised by a single mother. “I know the toll it took on me, not having a father in the house,” he said. “The hole in your heart when you don’t have a male figure in the home who can guide you and lead you. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle — that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my children.”

I think it takes a lot of courage not only to say it like it is to the people he opposes, but also to his very closest supporters. What do you think? Did Obama take too big a risk coming out so strongly on this issue or is this the kind of leadership our country needs right now?

by Stacey

I meant to get this out yesterday, but my family spent the weekend camping and I was nowhere near a computer. I was thinking of all you great dads out there. I hope you had a terrific day and got all the love and praise and golf balls (if that’s what you’re into) that you wanted.

by Stacey

A new study in last month’s journal Ophthalmic and Physiological Optics shows kids think other kids who wear glasses look smarter and more honest than kids who don’t wear glasses. According to this article on MSNBC.com (which I found after looking for the article by the reporter who commented in my previous post…) kids believe the stereotype that people who wear glasses actually know what they’re talking about. Like me!

Researcher Jeffrey Walline, assistant professor of optometry at Ohio State University and his colleagues surveyed 42 girls and 38 boys between the ages of 6 and 10 to get their views on glasses, the article says. The majority thought kids wearing glasses looked smarter and more honest than non-spectacled peers. “If the impression of looking smarter will appeal to a child, I would use that information and tell the child it is based on research,” Walline said. “Most kids getting glasses for the first time are sensitive about how they’re going to look. Some kids simply refuse to wear glasses because they think they’ll look ugly.”

Does this guy have kids? What six-year old is going change her mind about her new glasses because her mom said, “But honey, research shows other kids will admire you for wearing glasses”?

The researchers used 24 pairs of pictures showing children with and without glasses of varying gender and ethnicity. When presented with the photos, the young study participants were asked: Which child would you rather play with? Which looks smarter? Looks better at playing sports? Is better looking? Looks more shy? Looks more honest?

Despite the dorky researcher, the results were interesting. On average, two-thirds of the participating children said they thought that kids wearing glasses looked smarter, and 57 percent said they thought kids with glasses appeared to be more honest. The study found no connection between wearing glasses and perceptions regarding the other four questions, however. Walline attributes the findings to media portrayals associating wearing glasses with intelligence, a stereotype that even young children accept.

When I was growing up there was a time when my older sister wore glasses and had braces. All I wanted in the entire world was to have glasses and wear braces too. I didn’t give a hoot how it would have made me look, I just wanted to be like her. Unfortunately for me, my eyesight was fine.

Did you wear glasses as a kid? How did you feel about them? Have you had to convince your child to wear theirs?

Cross-posted at MotherTalkers

by Stacey

A new study in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that it isn’t just babies that moms have to nurture. According to this article in Science Daily, researchers at Ohio State University found that fathers were more involved in the day-to-day care of their infants when they received active encouragement from their wife or partner.

“Mothers can be very encouraging to fathers, and open the gate to their involvement in child care, or be very critical, and close the gate,” said Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan, co-author of the study and assistant professor of human development and family science at Ohio State University. “This is the first real evidence that mothers, through their behavior, act as gatekeepers by either fostering or curtailing how much fathers take part in caring for their baby.”

The study included 97 couples in the Midwest who were married or cohabiting, and who were expecting a child when the study began, the article says. Before the birth, the couples completed a survey about their beliefs about the roles of fathers in taking care of children.

Then at about four months after the birth, researchers conducted in-home assessments and couples were asked about mothers’ gatekeeping behaviors such as how often the mother responded to the father’s parenting behaviors with encouragement (for example, telling the father how happy he makes the child) or criticism (for instance, by looking exasperated or rolling her eyes).

Here’s my question. Did they also keep a tally of how sleep-deprived the mothers were when they were rolling their eyes or looking exasperated? Maybe the moms were feeling really pissy because they were so damned tired. Where’s their cheerleading squad?

Back to the study. Couples also completed questionnaires that examined how much the fathers were involved in child care, and how well the couple got along when dealing with the baby. Finally, the researchers videotaped the couple interacting together with the baby to see how involved fathers were in taking care of the baby and how competent they were in caring for the infant. The couples were asked to change their infant’s clothes together and the researchers watched to see who did the most work and how fathers interacted with the baby.

The findings about the importance of mothers’ behavior for fathers’ involvement in child care are important for several reasons, Schoppe-Sullivan said. For one, this is the first study to examine things moms actually do on a day-to-day basis that have the potential to affect dads’ behavior.

In addition, most theories about maternal gatekeeping have focused on how negative reactions by mothers can keep fathers from getting involved in child care. But this study showed that encouragement by mothers may be just as important, if not more important, in shaping the role of fathers.

Well it’s always good to be positive, but part of me is feeling a little annoyed that the unquestioned message here is moms have to coddle their husbands into taking on their half of the child-rearing. My husband and I are usually very supportive of each other’s parenting and we’ve learned together how to survive living with children. But honestly, I could be as grouchy as Oscar in the trash can and my husband would still change diapers, make meals, and fold laundry.

What do you think? Is this study annoying or do I need to get more sleep?

by Stacey

I’m just about at the end of my first week of work. So far, so good. I’ve enjoyed being back in an office, I like my co-workers, and I’ve been able to make it home by about 4pm everyday to hang out with my kids. Gotta love the flex-schedule. (We won’t talk about the fact that “sleeping in” now means waking up at 6am instead of 5am. It’s a small price to pay.)

But as some things change, others stay the same. Dinner still has to be made and I still find myself wondering, “What am I going to feed these people?”

Sometimes I ask Sage what he would like to eat and often he has good ideas. Things like pesto pasta, quesadillas, or fish.

This afternoon when asked, he replied, “Candy!”

“You mean, candy stew?” I asked.

“Yes!” he answered.

“Or candy soup?” I asked again.

“No, candy stew!” he said.

“What would we put into candy stew?” I asked.

“Vegetables and candy!” he said.

Yum.

We had quesadillas for dinner instead.