by Stacey

UPDATE! SEE BELOW…

My sons are three years apart almost exactly. Both were born in December (now that’s some smart planning for you: birthday-Hanukah-birthday-Christmas-credit card bill-oy vey). Up until now I’ve pretty much set up my second child’s life to be a replay of my first child’s life with nannies and toddler classes. But now I’m facing a dilemma.

When Sage was Sascha’s age, which is two years old, I was busy applying for Montessori preschool for the upcoming school year and working on potty training with him. I was all excited for him to develop his growing independence. Now it should be Sascha’s turn. But for some reason, it doesn’t feel the same.

Like all siblings, Sascha is a different kid from his brother. He cries more often, especially when things aren’t going exactly as he planned. He loves hugging stuffed animals and he isn’t quite ready to learn how to use the toilet. In a word, he seems younger than Sage did at this age.

Is this because he’s the baby in the family and Sage was the oldest? Or is it just that different kids develop on different time frames? Probably some of both. But whatever the reason, now I have to decide whether Sascha should spend the upcoming school year in the care of our current nanny who he loves or send him to preschool for half the day. The school in question requires enrollment of five mornings a week.

I should add here that I am a big believer in Montessori early childhood education and believe that children really do thrive in that classroom environment. So this isn’t about whether Sascha should play at home or be in a more social setting. It’s about whether he’s ready to get down to the business of exploring, learning, and concentrating on meaningful tasks. If you’re interested, here’s a video showing the work and educational benefits of a Montessori classroom.

It feels like an all or nothing decision. I don’t know what will be right for him a year from now, or even in six months time. I’m inclined to keep him home, but that’s based on who he is now. And then at times I think he might really flourish in the classroom, as Sage did at his age. Tomorrow I am taking him for a meeting with the teachers at the school - it’s part of the application process. I’m hoping I’ll have a better sense then.

When did you start sending your children to preschool? Do you agree, these decisions about school are not as easy you’d think?

UPDATE: After I visited the school today with Sascha, I decided he would be fine there and that I would send him next year after all. Then later in the day I got an email from another preschool that I really like (and is just up the block from our house) saying they have a spot for him in their morning program. Hurray! He can go three days a week and it’s a younger-oriented program. I feel good about this. He’ll go to Montessori school the following year. Whew. Amazing what can happen in one day.

by Stacey

Yes! A day devoted to love. Before I had kids I thought Valentine’s Day was a schmaltzy, Hallmark holiday. But now I’m all puffy red hearts and chocolate. So here’s what happening in our house today. Sage sewed red heart pillows for me and Chris which he presented to us with a card. Sascha is practicing saying, “I. Love. You!”

Chris let me sleep in this morning and now he’s on long bike ride. I took the kids to the Children’s Museum, a place they love to visit but requires me to keep track of two ecstatic children running in opposite directions in a crowd of people. Many weekend mornings, I’m just not up for it. Today I lost Sascha for a minute, but quickly found him standing in the main hallway looking for me. Whew.

Later I’m going to buy some terrific cupcakes and we’ll cook a nice dinner for the four of us. As for my gift to Chris, that’s yet to be determined…

by Stacey

New research shows that kids who misbehave in school do better if they are allowed to participate in outdoor recess. According to this article in the NY Times, a study this week in the journal Pediatrics found that students who got at least 15 minutes of recess behaved better in class than students who got no time for free play.

Researchers from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine reviewed data on about 11,000 third graders, collected in 2002 as part of the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study which was financed by the United States Department of Education. The study found that about one in three of the children in the group received fewer than 15 minutes of daily recess or none at all.

Teachers rated the children’s behavior and the results showed that the kids who got recess scored better than those who didn’t. Dr. Romina M. Barros, a pediatrician and assistant professor at Albert Einstein, says it’s a “big mistake” for teachers to punish a child for bad behavior by denying recess.

“We need to understand that kids need a break,’’ Dr. Barros said. “Our brains can concentrate and pay attention for 45 to 60 minutes, and in kids it’s even less. For them to be able to acquire all the academic skills we want them to learn, they need a break to go out and release the energy and play and be social.’’

Recess is an essential part of a child’s learning experience, Dr. Barros said. At recess, students “use all the things they learned in the classroom. When they are doing hopscotch they use math skills. Kids learn a lot about social skills during recess, such as playing, sharing, being the leader, following somebody. It’s all very important.’’

Is this new? Kids need to play outside. They need to run and socialize and play games and and move their bodies. It is inexcusable for anyone in education to deny students recess time.  That’s my take on it. What do you think?

by Stacey

There is an alarming rise in the numbers of children infected with the community MRSA strain of staph infections. According to this news brief in the LA Times, a six-year review of data of 300 hospitals across the country showed a nationwide increase from just under 12 percent in 2001 to over 28 percent in 2006.

The study, which was published Monday in the Archives of Otolaryngology — Head and Neck Surgery, found an increase in ear and sinus infections and neck abcesses in children caused by the same MRSA strain (known as USA300) that has resulted in an explosion of nasty skin infections across the country.

“Because of the proximity of the head and neck to important areas like the brain, the eyes and the chest, [these infections] need to be taken very seriously and treated aggressively,” said Dr. Steven E. Sobol, a pediatric otolaryngologist.

Some children may be more at risk than others for the ear, nose and neck infections, the article says. Living in crowded conditions, often because of poverty, is one risk factor. But Sobol said that he has seen ear, sinus and neck infections caused by the MRSA strain in children who didn’t appear to live in crowded conditions or have other risk factors. The average patient infected was between 6 and 7 years old, an age at which immune systems aren’t fully developed and children tend to catch infections easily.

Infectious disease experts say that the increase in USA300-caused infections is not surprising. About one in three of us harbor staph on our skin or in our noses as part of our normal bacterial flora. Since the USA300 strain first appeared in the 1990s, it has been spreading across the nation and the world, pushing out other strains to become the dominant one.

The article says that as long as staph stays where it’s supposed to stay –on the outside — it does little harm. But when it becomes invasive, slipping into a part of the body where it shouldn’t be, any strain can cause severe infections of bones, joints, blood and lungs. And USA300 is particularly virulent, or capable of causing disease.

Sobol stressed in a phone conversation with the LA Times that parents shouldn’t panic, but they and their pediatricians should be aware of the seriousness of these infections. For prevention, he recommended hand washing and avoiding overuse of antibiotics, which can both encourage further resistance and create a niche for bad bugs by destroying other ones.

Scary stuff.

by Stacey

Call it social skills or manners, but whatever the name, children need to be taught to consider the feelings of others. So says an article in the NY Times by Perri Klass, a pediatrician who says it’s a parent’s job to teach their child not to be rude.

And that job is to start with a being who has no thought for the feelings of others, no code of behavior beyond its own needs and comforts — and, guided by love and duty, to do your best to transform that being into what your grandmother (or Socrates) might call a mensch. To use a term that has fallen out of favor, your assignment is to “civilize” the object of your affections.

“Every infant is born adorable but selfish and the center of the universe,” says Judith Martin, author of the book, “Miss Manners’ Guide to Rearing Perfect Children.” It’s a parent’s job to teach that “there are other people, and other people have feelings.”

Klass says pediatricians should notice things like whether or not a child looks a person in the eye, shakes someone’s hand when it is offered, and how they interact with their parents; do they interrupt, do they ask for things, do they open Mommy’s purse and take things out?

Social skills have an impact on how children behave in the classroom and with peers. They also come into play in the workplace among adults.

We also think of social skills as a profound set of challenges that complicate the lives of children — and adults — on what is now called the autism spectrum. Children with autism, whether mild or severe, have great difficulty learning social codes, deciphering subtle body language or tone of voice, and catching on to the rules of the game.

Therapy for these children can include systematic training in social skills, sometimes using scripts for common human interactions. The article points out that maybe we should think about teaching these kinds of lessons to our kids even if they are developing normally.

That first big counterintuitive lesson — that there are other people out there whose feelings must be considered — affects a child’s most basic moral development, the article says. For a child, as for an adult, manners represent a strategy for getting along in life, but also a successful intellectual engagement with the business of being human.

I’ve seen parents be very strict about their children saying please and thank you at every turn. I’m not militant about it and my son Sage says it often enough that I know he knows when and how to be polite. His Montessori class teaches lessons on “Grace and Courtesy,” with lessons on things like how to greet someone or how to say goodbye.

Being the social extrovert that he is, he’ll often throw in some added features, such as “It was great meeting you!” or “I hope you have a good weekend!” During December, his favorite was to tell people, “I hope you have happy holidays!”

Do your children have good social skills? How have you gone about teaching them?

 by Stacey

Babies who are born by scheduled Caesarean section do better if they are born no sooner than one week before their due date. According to this AP article on MSNBC.com, a new study shows that those delivered earlier had more complications, including breathing problems, even though they were full term.

The research which was reported in Thursday’s New England Journal of Medicine, shows that even just a few days made a difference.

The findings offer important guidance to the growing number of women who face planned C-sections. And the study supports recommendations that elective C-sections be scheduled after 39 weeks unless tests show the infant’s lungs are fully mature. Due dates are set at 40 weeks gestation and infants are full term at 37 weeks.

The rate of Caesarean sections in the United States is at an all-time high, accounting for about 31 percent of births, the article says. In 2006, a government panel urged women not to seek a C-section without a medical reason; surgery brings risks and babies born by Caesarean have a greater chance for respiratory problems.

The researchers focused on 13,258 women who had a single child at a planned Caesarean and who had previously given birth the same way. Excluded were cases where medical issues warranted an early or immediate delivery. The infants were followed until they left the hospital or for four months.

More than a third of the C-sections were performed before 39 weeks, the researchers found. Those delivered at 37 weeks were twice as likely to have health problems, including breathing troubles, infections, low blood sugar or the need for intensive care. Fifteen percent of those born at 37 weeks and 11 percent born at 38 weeks had complications, compared to 8 percent of the babies delivered at 39 weeks. The only death was an infant born at 39 weeks.

The biggest difference was in breathing problems, with a fourfold increase for those born at 37 weeks compared to 39 weeks. Babies born by C-section already have a higher risk of breathing trouble than those born vaginally; labor helps clear the lungs of fluid.

The risk of complications also increased for births after 41 weeks, but there were few births in that category, the researchers said.

I had C-sections with both my kids who were both 12 days overdue. Sage had no complications, but Sascha did have breathing problems at first and had to be in the NICU for the first couple days of his life. Thankfully he was fine quickly and we took him home on time. Now with the sound of his hollering for breakfast in the morning you’d never know he ever had a problem with his lungs.

by Stacey

Barack Obama’s inaugural committee is offering front row tickets to the inaugural parade to more than 100 middle and high school students from D.C. who participate in a 500-word essay writing contest in which they answer the question, “How can I contribute to my neighborhood through community service?”

According to Kevin Griffis, a spokesman for the inaugural committee, the students must be District residents who attend public or private school in the city and the essays must be submitted by a parent or legal guardian who also resides in the District. Winners will be selected by the inaugural committee. They will receive three tickets, allowing them to bring two guests to the viewing stand next to one reserved for Obama and other dignitaries.

This is so unfair. You know the kids’ parents are going to write the essays themselves to score the tickets. Call me cynical, but do you know how hard is it to get a ticket to anything related to the inauguration? I do, because I’m going to the inauguration. Or at least that was the plan when in the flush of excitement after Obama won the election we immediately bought tickets to fly all the friggin way across the country, with our five year old son, so we could be there and be a part of everything.

Apparently we weren’t the only ones who came up with this brilliant idea. In fact, millions of people hatched the same plan and now we’re all screwed because there’s like two hundred tickets for every event and unless someone like Blagojevich owes you a favor you can’t get get bupkis.

So really now.  If you were the parent of some lazy-assed teenager, would you let them write the essay themselves? These tickets are gold I tell you! I sure wish I lived in D.C. and had a teenager. I could write a great essay about community service or whatever.

Thanks to this article in the Washington Post for the tip.

by Stacey

I’m a fan of parenting advice. I’m always looking for a little more wisdom, another trick to make this enormously difficult job a little easier, or just a nugget to help me feel more like I’m up to the task of being the “big, big boss,” as my son Sage calls me. So I was glad to see this article in the December issue of Parents magazine entitled, “50 Ways to be a Fantastic Parent.” Thanks to the NY Times blog Motherlode, for the tip.

The advice is broken down into eleven sections:

• Set Smart Limits
• Create Your Own Quality Time
• Be a Good Role Model
• Know the Best Way To Praise
• Trust Yourself
• Don’t Forget to Teach Social Skills
• Raise Grateful Kids
• Don’t Stress About Dinner
• Always Say “I Love You”
• Boost Brainpower and Physical Activity
• Health Advice All Parents Should Know

Some of this advice seems like old hat by now, but here are a few things I was glad to read and will try to improve on in the coming year. I won’t call these resolutions because in my experience, calling something a resolution is virtually ensuring that it will be forgotten in less than a week. I’m hoping for a better track record than that.

Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There’s no better way for you to show your love.

Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it’s your job to set a great standard.

Gossip about your kids. Fact: What we overhear is far more potent than what we are told directly. Make praise more effective by letting your child “catch” you whispering a compliment about him to Grandma, Dad, or even his teddy.

Ask your children three “you” questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, “Did you have fun at school?”; “What did you do at the party you went to?”; or “Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon?”

Keep in mind what grandmoms always say. Children are not yours, they are only lent to you for a time. In those fleeting years, do your best to help them grow up to be good people.

I hope you enjoy the article. Let me know if there’s anything in there that you found especially useful.

by Stacey

The new year is just about upon us. I’m one to look forward in these moments, so here’s what I hope will happen in the coming year:

Sascha will get potty-trained and will start speaking English instead of fluent babblese.

Sage will remain exactly the same except that maybe he’ll run a little less at the mouth about going to the mountains. 

Chris will actually arrive home from work at 6:30pm.

And I will become a person who no longer functions optimally on nine hours of consecutive sleep which is completely impractical given my life at this moment.

In broader terms, I hope that Obama is as magnificent as I believe he may be. I hope that the economy stabilizes, the wars end, and that we can find sustainable ways to stop global warming.

What are your hopes for 2009?

by Stacey

My good friend DCSlugabed is going to have a baby later this week and I want to send her lots of good vibes, happy feelings, and much support. Congratulations to you and mynemesis on this new addition to your family! We can’t wait to meet him or her.

UPDATE: DCSlugabed gave birth to a healthy baby boy this morning! Welcome Mateo!!