Fussbucket

by Stacey

This year Father’s Day came and went with little discussion here about the very important role that dads play in their kids’ lives. So I was glad to see this blog post in the NY Times on this essay posted at PsychCentral on responsible fatherhood so I could circle back to it.

In study after study, kids consistently say they would like to have more time with their dads. Regardless of whether a dad shares a home with the children and their mother, the kids need dad time. Working together on a chore or simply hanging out can be as meaningful as attending events or having adventures. Kids want to know their fathers. Just as important, they want their fathers to know them.

My kids absolutely love being with their dad. My older son always has a project in mind for them to do together that usually involves hammers, nails, and the extra wood that is piled up in our backyard from a home improvement project. Often these projects involve trips to the hardware store. The result looks like a few pieces of scrap wood nailed together in some configuration that must be explained to me. So far we have a homemade airport, rocket, rocket launcher, and doll house. They are among my son’s favorite toys.

There is no time in a child’s life that doesn’t count. Research has shown that even infants know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers. The bond you make with a baby sets the foundation for a lifetime. As the kids get older, they’ll need you in different ways but they will always need you. Insistent toddler, curious preschooler, growing child, prickly adolescent: Each age and stage will have its challenges and rewards. Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents’ time and attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads as well as their moms tend to be more successful in life.

Again, hats off to my husband. He does the early morning shift with the kids every day before he goes to work and he comes home ready to hang out with them until they go to bed.

Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

When I first started dating my husband I remember thinking that he’d be a good father someday. I had no idea at the time how right I was. I missed saying it on Father’s Day, but better late than never, thanks Chris for being such a great dad to our kids.

Do you agree with your partner’s parenting style? Do you feel like he/she supports the way you parent your kids?